Royal Baby: Seven more months of filler?

Have you heard, Kate Middleton is pregnant?

Of course you have. Beyond that, there's not really much to report on this story. She's a bit poorly with it, but that's not really any of our business.

Yet the media has managed to milk thousands of column inches out of the story already - from detailed information about morning sickness to informing readers what it means for the order of succession and the baby's likely impact on the UK economy.

But once the newsdesks hit the bottom of the barrel they didn't stop scraping there - from speculating that it might be twins to speculating what the name might be to speculating what impact Kate's choice of pram will have on global buggy sales.

And that's far from the worst of it.

The Telegraph has set its stall out early as the go-to place for royal baby stories you can't quite believe anybody had to write.

Spare a thought for The Telegraph's Chief Reporter Gordon Rayner who has already written stories such as Bookies slash odds on twins, Could it be twins for Kate? and Duke faces big career decisions. But his standout piece of filler so far has been this effort:

In this article, Rayner, who was part of the Telegraph's award winning investigations team that blew open the expenses scandal, writes:

"From the shape of a mother's baby bump to food cravings during pregnancy, the supposed tell-tale signs of a baby's sex have been debated for thousands of years.

"But according to cold statistical analysis, the Duchess of Cambridge is most likely to give birth to a girl who will grow to be 5ft 10ins tall. Studies of mothers' dietary habits, health during pregnancy and the father's occupation all suggest the odds are on the Duchess giving birth to a princess."

How long before Raynor is reporting on what the cloud formations above Buckingham Palace might tell us about the unborn child?

But he's not alone in having to fill acres of white space. The Guardian has also been at it with this unlikely hard-luck story:

The Guardian reports:

"Moving house with a newborn, as many a parent knows, is not ideal, but it could be the prospect facing the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The couple are due to take up residence in a refurbished Apartment 1a at Kensington Palace next summer – around the same time the duchess is expecting to produce a future king or queen."

It's hard to imagine that tale of hardship striking much of a chord with anybody else who has had to move house with a young child in tow.

The tabloids aren't to be outdone. It looks like the Daily Mail is willing not only to report its own thoughts and opinions on the royal baby but to also tell us every time anybody else offers a thought about it... even if you don't know who that person is (Snooki? Answers on a postcard):

Presumably the "(yes really)" incredulity was meant as a private joke between the sub-editor and the journalist who wrote this story.