So now we know. Ed Miliband has more kitchens than Nigel Farage has testicles.
And people say political journalism is dumbing down.
Yes, it turns out Farage has only got one ball which will do nothing to end some unwelcome comparisons to famous fascists from history. For good measure he's also written a book outlining his vision of a far-right revolution.
The book, entitled The Purple Revolution (which sounds more like a Prince tribute act), is being serialised by The Telegraph. So far we've learned two things: 1) One of Farage's testicles once swelled to the size of a lemon before it was removed, 2) The Telegraph certainly isn't shy about sending repetitive tweets.
Here's just a selection of their tweets from Saturday:
The "revolution" in question apparently began last year when Douglas Carswell and Mark Reckless became the MPs for Clacton and Rochester and Strood. The previous MPs in those constituencies, of course, being Douglas Carswell and Mark Reckless.
The title and even the design of Farage's book also suggest it is in part a response to stand-up comedian Russell Brand, who in December last year described Farage as "a pound shop Enoch Powell" during one of the UKIP leader's many appearances on Question Time:
Ed Miliband meanwhile, it has been revealed, is the proud owner of not one but TWO kitchens in his North London home.
Miliband's surplus of kitchens came to light after the Daily Mail's Sarah Vine (the wife of Tory chief whip Michael Gove, lest we forget) criticised Miliband's kitchen after it appeared on a BBC programme.
"Surely that can’t really be Ed and Justine’s kitchen?" wrote Vine, rambling to such an extent she almost stumbled accidentally upon some truth. "I hope for their sake it’s their utility room and some bossy spin doctor has shoved them in there to ...bolster Ed’s man-o’-the-people image."
Vine is on fairly thin ice with such kitchen-based snobbery, as a comment on the Mail's website pointed out:
You can remind yourself what else Michael Gove claimed on expenses here.
Also wading into kitchengate was Times journalist and Miliband family-friend Jenni Russell who pointed out the kitchen he was filmed in was just a "functional kitchenette", not to be confused with the Milibands' main kitchen which is "lovely" and definitely big enough to sit in (though possibly too big to be filmed in).
Russell's explanation of the differences between Miliband's various kitchens perhaps qualifies as a case of "with friends like that..." because Ed certainly doesn't need any more enemies right now. He's even got more enemies than kitchens.
And his enemies' enemy is clearly understatement.
"No kitchen since the Borgias has ever produced anything so toxic," wrote Robert Mendick of the Telegraph, with the same paper declaring in a separate article: "Ed Miliband's two kitchens expose the plastic inauthenticity of the Labour leader".
As the Telegraph's Michael Deacon noted of the inevitable and plentiful criticisms:
Poor old Ed Miliband. They're throwing the kitchen sinks at him— Michael Deacon (@MichaelPDeacon) March 13, 2015
For more 'Election Watch', see:
Election Watch: The leaders’ debate debacle
Election Watch: "You! Outside! Now!"
Election Watch: The Express and Farage love-in
Election Watch: Clowns and a hybrid car crash
Election Watch: Byker gang targets Miliband
Election Watch: Tory balls and a little pink bus
Election Watch: It's going to be a long election