This is an actual news story from today's Telegraph:
"The 'pristine' appearance of the Duchess of Cambridge and her sister Pippa Middleton when they were schoolgirls made other families feel 'rather hopeless', a mother whose daughter was at the same school as the sisters has revealed."
Did I mention the Telegraph put this story on the front page?
"The mother, whose child was in the same house as the Duchess at Marlborough College, said every item of clothing belonging to the Middletons would have "a beautifully sewn-in name tape"."
It seems strange that somebody would know such a detail, let alone remember it for perhaps 15 years or more and still be talking about it to this day. But not as odd as a newspaper considering these strange rememberings from the dim and distant past to be worthy of front page news.
It's not like the story gets any better:
"She said the pair also had the "smartest" tennis rackets and had enormous picnics on school sports' days."
"Enormous picnics". That may be the detail that clinched the front page spot. Though for the enormity of a picnic - that happened well over a decade ago - to be newsworthy I'm imagining a picnic blanket of at least half a mile long boasting a feast of such Epicurean splendour that the £10,000 per term Marlborough College had never seen its like before or since: a flock of roast swans, a solid silver paddling pool full of caviar and a life size marble rendering of the Trevi fountain, spewing Veuve Clicquot into crystal champagne flutes (for the parents, obviously).
"There was always something slightly galling about having your child at school with the Middletons."
...added the mother who may well have not stopped talking about it ever since.
"It made other families feel rather hopeless."
How empty must somebody's life be for them to be laid low with feelings of hopelessness over another family's picnic or the spiffingness of their daughters' tennis rackets?
And how empty must somebody's news list be to put that on the front page?