The BBC's Simon McCoy wins the award for honest reporting from outside the hospital where Kate Middleton is expected to give birth. McCoy signed off a report today with the words:
"Well, plenty more to come from here of course. None of it news... But that won't stop us."
This followed an earlier assertion from McCoy:
"Never have so many people gathered together in one place with absolutely nothing to say."
And all over the media people have been trying to cope with the fact that there has been no news whatsoever.
Sky offered up this headline:
Many of the papers are also offering a live video feed from the hospital on their websites, enabling The Mirror to capture the dramatic moments this afternoon when a policeman folded his arms and shuffled on the spot a bit:
The Daily Mail appears to have dedicated its entire website front page to the Royal Baby despite the absence of news. Its articles include a piece about the lengths the media are going just to fill space with anything (which includes a photograph of Sky News reporter Kay Burley applying some make-up).
The Mail is also filling its time asking important questions such as:
"Will the baby be a feisty Leo or a sensitive Cancerian?"
"The nation is on tenterhooks as we wait to hear whether our future monarch is a girl or a boy but astrologers claim his or her star-sign can provide us with a telling picture of our future monarch."
They would, wouldn't they. They're astrologers.
The same paper also brought this breaking news:
"Joan Collins, Spice Girls singer Mel B and reality TV star Snooki led the hordes of celebrities tweeting ahead of the royal baby's arrival on Monday morning."
I think I would have more chance of picking the as-yet unborn royal baby out of an identity parade than I would Snooki, but it's good to know she's excited.
The Telegraph also brought us a piece about the total absence of news, alongside its own sea of coverage and The Sun brought us the potentially catastrophic claim that the world is holding its breath until the baby is born (don't try that at home, this could take hours). The Sun is one of many outlets offering a live blog of non-events as they don't unfold:
The Sun also took to Twitter to bring us the news that "things are progressing as normal". Though presumably normal does not include the massed ranks of the world's media waiting outside the hospital.
The Sun then brought us the same news nearly four hours later from its @TheSunBreakingNews account:
However, full marks to the Guardian for cutting through this newsless limbo with an option for readers to hit a "republican" button on its homepage and be delivered news free from mentions of the royal baby (as opposed to mentions of the royal baby free from news).